(WARNING!! This review contains the words "fucking" and "genius" many many times. If you don't like it, go suck "Rolling Stone" magazine...)

  SO I finally got my Scandinavian Leather. I was having an uneventful afternoon sitting in the apartment listening to 'If You Want Blood' by AC/DC and for some reason looking up 'adult baby' on Ebay (resulting in 14 pages-Just wrong!!) when I heard a loud "Slam!" against the door. The fucking mail-bitch that fucking hates me (and I hate her) nailed my package right against the door. So Scandinavian Leather literally arrived with a bang!! Turned out it was my long-awaited beloved special edition---I had to quickly do a mental ritual just to keep her evil out of my music---and my extra DVD!

  Woah! Okay. So the new Turbonegro album is a bit like having anal sex. The first time you listen to it you have to take it slow---don't try to force anything or it might hurt---something could rip! You just gotta relax and let go---Just let it ease in. Then you will be loving it and begging for more, I promise you. And everytime you do it, it will get better.

  I've been reading alot about people's thoughts on Scandinavian Leather. It seems like this album has met with mixed reviews. Well, get ready to be challenged, pleased and surprised Turbojugend---'cos TURBONEGRO IS BACK!!!

  This album does take some musical risks, but then again, haven't Turbo always done whatever they felt like doing? To me it is like a big 'Fuck You!' as the whole world watches. It's still Turbonegro.It would be ridiculous and boring to try to make the same music all of the time. You can't tame Turbo! They have taken their classic deathpunk sound and have stepped it up, adding orchestrated and more varied musical bits throughout. A heavy rock element anchors this album and gives it a universal appeal, yet it is much smarter than just rock songs...

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  The album opens with the beautifully orchestrated and triumphant 'Blizzard of Flames', sounding unlike anything Turbo has previously done before. It's grand, noble and baring...You find yourself resisting, but when you finally give in---it feels so good. Hanky whispers his intro....

  ---and heads start banging as 'Wipe It 'Til It Bleeds' busts right out---complete with full and tight guitars, and big-assed bass swinging, lead guitar and gypsy strings laced throughout---graced with a sweet and lordly interlude that is so tongue-in-butt-cheek, it's just beautiful.

  Then comes the fun hand-clapping 'Gimme Some', with a snappy chorus and some nice back-lashing guitar licks from Euroboy---I think I started hopping around the apartment at this point...

  ...and then banged right into the bratty 'Turbonegro Must Be Destroyed'---machine-gun drums and butt-O bass slapping---I love the gut-churning kick-in of the bass!! An instant great, this song is genius!! Brilliant lyrics...it's Turbonegro's anti-anthem.

  Then comes the slow-rocking 'Sell Your Body To The Night'---this song is just dirty! Get ready to do it double-time as the song whips into a little butt-bouncing thigh-slapping frenzy, then lays you down all hot-and-bothered with that old-school rock sound.

  'Remain Untamed' rings out---an instant anthemic rocker. Goddamn---more great big grinding bass sound. Turbo speaks my language as they twist my tits and let loose the juice! Hanky sounds great-this is a straight-rocker with a phantom end piece that comes back to bite your ass one last time. Brilliant.

  Then comes 'Train Of Flesh'.All that talk about the "I need a fucking orgasm" line--I expected something really embarrassing and cheesy--but this line is actually alot more subtle than I expected! I think it's hilarious and works great with Knut's screaming guitar...and then the sweetest breakdown-"and it will never stop"...the song gets big, beautiful and grand. Incredible---I don't want this to ever stop! Great voices...

  Then more of the majestic 'Blizzard of Flames' intro music. This is the part of the album where all the men start crying and hugging each other....hey, just let it go. HA!--it makes you look around to check to see if anyone's watching you, enjoying this emotive music that soars like an eagle on a lone flight (cheese!), then floats into the cold siren that brings on the brutal and epic 'Fuck The World':

  A maelstrom of strings and guitar, this is the climax of the album. This song is a masterpiece; cleverly orchestrated with just the right accents of piano, guitar and bass in just the right places. This song is as big as Life---I wonder how many kids will commit suicide to the glory of 'Fuck The World'...? This is powerful stuff!

  Strap on those seat-belts people, 'cos this album doesn't stop rocking until the very end!

  After the intensity of 'FTW' comes 'Locked Down', intro'ed by Hank and kicked off by Mr. Summers, this is a real smart-assed tune. Hank's voice is smooth like beer and honey. Straight-forward and clean until Pal's crazy sax bit and breakdown---Yes, another instant rocker that sent me directly into 'rock-pose'. You know---leaning forward on one toe with the other leg thrust back, like Joey Ramone....

  Then 'I Want Everything' just busts out and falls right out of the pants....fists pumping! So I heard that this album wouldn't be Apocalypse Dudes Pt II...but it kind of is! Or more like this album picks up where A Dudes left off, but brings it to an entirely different level. This album is full of good-ole Turbo sounds but with a new added majesty and subtle use of masterfully blended unorthodox instrumentation, as well as amazing vocal layering. The extra work and love put into the recording, mastering and producing of this work can be felt throughout---giving you a musical reach-around.

  'Drenched In Blood' is one of the happiest songs on the album, opening with more big-assed bass and a great Hanky yell...this will be a great one live! It's a joyous little song, with its Dee Dee Ramone-esque head-bopping chorus--I couldn't help but think of poor Hanky "drenched in blood" in New York(the bottle incident)...so I like to think of this as Turbo's happy "Fuck You!" to that incident...

  'Le Saboteur'? Hank singing in french is just so fucking snotty! It doesn't get any more poncy than this---Great sing-along "woah"s, fantastic chiming Euroboy soloing..this song sounds so fucking cool! I wish they would play this one live. The frenchies must be loving this...

  Okay now---'Ride With Us' is easily the best and coolest fucking song on the entire album. Saving the best for last, this song is full of great big diesel gargling bass, banging drums, a whirl-wind of chaotic voices and singing guitars. An invitation to ride off into the sunset with Turbonegro, this song has the biggest slapping balls....rises to a mad crescendo....and then carries us away with the gallant flute (!!) sound so beautiful that it rips your heart right out. It works, and it rocks! Pure genius, and mixed brilliantly---this is a must-hear through headphones. Try it!

  It may be taking people some time to warm up to Scandinavian Leather, but I think that this could very well be the epic rock album of the new century. Carefully crafted and arranged, it takes you on a musical odyssey, a bit like listening to classic greats such as The Man Who Sold The World (Bowie), Identity (Marginal Man), Neurotica (Redd Kross), Damaged (Black Flag), Ramones (Ramones)...etc.! Some albums must be listened to in their entirety.

  The extra 36 minute DVD that comes with special editions of the CD is most enjoyable. It contains some performances from the now-becoming-legendary Res-Erection European Tour last summer. Witness the revitalized and amazing live power of the reunited Turbonegro.

  Then some absolutely great practice and recording footage that gives some insight into the new album. This DVD is edited very well and has some hilarious shit on it. I liked hearing Knut (Euroboy) speak. His stage presence seems so bitchy and unapproachable, but watching him talk about Turbo, he doesn't seem arrogant at all. He is very warm and spirited, and has got a great attitude. I also liked to see the bits in the recording studio, the interaction, and seeing all of the band adding vocal tracks. It's cool to see the fun and work that went into the album.

  Dammit---I want more! Part of the twisted magic of Turbonegro is that once you fall for them, you will never get enough. I hope this Train of Flesh will never stop---Thank You to the Denim Dudes from Norway.

*The Strange Stain*
Washington, DC
2003